• Julie Busler

That's Not On You Anymore

For some reason last night, I swiped over on my phone and I was shown a “Feature” photo. It was a selfie from the evening I began to take my life, but was stopped. I didn’t even remember this photo existed and certainly would have deleted it had I known it was on my phone.

My 5 year old, who had zero idea of the circumstances surrounding that photo, saw it and said “Who is that girl?” I was shocked by the sincerity of his question. I said “You don’t know who that is?” He said “She looks evil.” I said “Really?” After scrolling to another photo, I then scrolled back to my selfie and he said “I don’t like that picture. She’s scary. She looks evil.”

Tears welled up in my eyes as a chill ran through my body. I felt afraid and shaky. How could the son who adores me not recognize me? I was smiling in the photo, but my son’s discernment saw past that.

Then, Spirit-led words came to mind that a fellow sister in Christ declared to me a few weeks ago when I met her for the first time. After briefly telling her my story, she boldly told me “𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐭’𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐨𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞.” Abel saw the girl enslaved to darkness in that photo and didn’t recognize her. My new friend met the girl freed from those chains and did not hold back from speaking truth to a kindred stranger. The enemy’s scheme to induce flashbacks of darkness actually produced remembrance of sacred encouragement. Satan’s plan was intercepted by the Spirit and led to God’s glory. My prayer since beginning to talk transparently in this community about mental health has been that God would save lives. That others would not feel so alone and begin to emerge from the shadows.

“As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today.”‭‭Genesis‬ ‭50:20‬

There is actual physical, emotional, spiritual, overcoming, disease defying power in Jesus. The pain in my heart and mind remain, but Jesus gave me the strength to shift my gaze from what was to what is. This is how He sustains me, showing His power through my weakness.

Our words to others matter. “That’s not on you anymore” is becoming a weapon that leads my mind back to scripture when the enemy strikes.

I texted a few friends what happened and they agreed it was spiritual warfare. A few began praying for me, and one sent me the same scripture from Isaiah 43 that I posted Saturday without knowing I had posted it!

God was preparing my heart Saturday for what would discourage me Sunday and what I could then testify to you Monday. This is the importance of daily time in scripture. The Word is alive and active and more encouraging than anything else in this world. The way the scripture encourages one believer has a rippling effect on all those around her.

So, as I begin today in the Word, I am reminding myself again, and all of you in this dear community....

“Do not fear, for I have 𝐫𝐞𝐝𝐞𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐝 you; I have called you by your name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you, and the rivers will not overwhelm you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, and the flame will not burn you.”‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭43:1-2‬

The enemy hates when children of God walk in their blood-bought identity. Depression is still present in my mind, but who I am in Christ gives me power to endure and hope, rather than succumb and despair.

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