• Julie Busler

The Lie of Suicide

There was a time when suicidal thoughts were at the forefront of my mind, and while they might still attempt to distract me, they no longer control me.

In college I appeared to be a carefree sorority girl who was graduating and planning a wedding to her dream guy. And I was that, but I had a secret side as well. It had become normal for me to listen to depressing music and google everything you can imagine regarding self inflicted death. There I said it. Out loud. Can anyone relate?

This secret life did not end and in fact became part of who I was until what I was feeding my mind produced action - it produced fruit.

I didn’t realize my actions were sinful. Depression and PTSD create a never ending sadness. A darkness that becomes so overwhelming that escape becomes the obsession. I thought suicidal thinking was just part of it and I was the puppet to my incontrollable thoughts.

But this is a lie from Satan. Don’t listen.

The initial thought that pops in your mind is not sinful, but the moment the suggestion of death is presented, you are absolutely at a fork in the road and do have a choice as to which path you will choose: life or death. The habit of rumination does not have to control you.

With the coping skills I’ve learning from therapy along with medical intervention I have cooperated with, my thoughts have certainly lessened in intensity. But the number one thing that has brought freedom from the stronghold of suicide is Jesus, saturating my mind in scripture, worship, prayer, and confessing out loud with fellow believers the darkness that so easily entangles me. Usually suicidal people don’t tell anyone. They fear their thoughts and plans being exposed to the light.

If I’m describing you, please stop avoiding the light. Choose exposure. Choose truth. Come out of hiding and know that the temporary shame you might feel as you seek help is so worth the freedom waiting on the other side. I love these words of Jesus....

“For everyone who does evil hates the light and avoids it, so that his deeds may not be exposed. But anyone who lives by the truth comes to the light, so that his works may be shown to be accomplished by God.” {John‬ ‭3:20-21‬}
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